No. 2: Why I avoided something all week...

Taking a break to write in a journal

Yes, it's true. I avoided something all week long.

And that something was myself.

You see, this week I've been on a work bender. Projects seem to be flowing my way that are aligned with my new vision for Gianna Andrews Studio, and I am dedicated to giving them 150% of my effort at all times.

I've always been like this when it comes to work responsibilities. I was never the smartest in the class, but I sure could work the hardest. In high school I went in early to study math with my teacher and stayed late for various study groups. I'd cry if I received anything less than an A on my grade report. I graduated college with a 3.97 GPA and had only received one A-, which had actually been a B+ until I convinced the professor to bump my grade up so that I could maintain my honors standing (I used this tactic several times on different projects, it works!).

Perfectionism was my standard and anything below an “A” basically equals an “F”

However, after a myriad of outdoor sport-related injuries, something had to give. I began to realize that I hide from my anxiety and feelings of unworthiness by burying myself in work. Or workouts. Do you know what else I realized? No matter if I get an “A,” or 3,000 likes on a photo, at the end of the day, those feelings are still there. Perfectionism is actually an avoidance tactic.

Over the past few years, I've been learning how to take better care of myself and find techniques to make myself feel whole internally, no matter what's happening in the outside world. Painting helps. My dog helps. Sleep is good. Because ultimately, the stuff happening outside of us is all just “external.” That cliché saying really is true—It's what is on the inside that counts.

But alas, this last week my old tendencies crept in without me noticing until I found myself thinking, “I have soooo much to do, so I don't have time to sit with my thoughts because I'm just too busy." Yup, caught myself red-handed being the same workaholic that I was bred to be. So you know what I did when I realized that? I went outside and took a nap in the grass for an hour. It made me realize—I should take naps more often.

My question for you this week is:

What is your relationship with perfectionism and productivity?

Just something to consider.



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