They say growth comes with discomfort and lately I've been having a lot of that. You see, I've outgrown the version of the artist I used to be, and now I am working to define myself in what kind of artist I want to become. But this new version of me? She isn't fully formed yet. So, I find myself in the in-between.
Liquidating my merch line, shifting my entire business plan, and forming Gianna Andrews Studio in 2023 has been an immense change. At times I feel positive and motivated, but there are definitely times when I feel discouraged. The in-between isn’t always comfy.
I’ve caught myself thinking lately, “I could’ve just played it safe, stayed where I was. . . . Why did I have to change everything up? It was all working great!”
But then I remind myself: the caterpillar left its familiar life behind and crawled into the cocoon, without knowing it would emerge as a butterfly. All it knew was that it was time for the cocoon. Well little caterpillar, I can relate to that. I knew it was time to leave a version of me behind, even if I still don’t exactly know who I will be on the other side.
Whenever I get lost wondering my direction, I find it helpful to get really quiet. I’ve been looking back on where I came from. Eight years ago (yesterday to the day), I had a mountain biking wreck that changed the trajectory of my life. It was a literal rock bottom.
While my mom was visiting last week, we reflected on the accident—how for 3 days I laid in the hospital and the doctors didn't know if I'd have lasting neurologic complications. How the bone shards came within one single millimeter from my spinal cord, but somehow didn't compromise it. With this near death experience, I gained immense clarity. Clarity that I was going to be an artist and nothing could stop me.
Today, I carry on this dream realized through broken teeth in a hospital bed eight years ago. And as I grow, this dream must also evolve with the person I am becoming.
My art has to grow with me, or else what is the point?
xx,
Gianna
